Greetings from Minneapolis!

Hey all! Greetings from Minneapolis...I'm here for the week on my last training trip of the year. I'll try to post all the stats later, but it looks like I'll end up with 140 nights in hotels and 68,000+ flight miles. Phew! Almost certainly my last full year doing this.

This morning, I went to Bethlehem Baptist Church...which may sound familiar to some of you. That's right...it's John Piper's church! I HEARD JOHN PIPER SPEAK IN PERSON!! Sorry...I'm just a bit giddy :-) :-). He's in the middle of a series of being born again...the last couple of weeks were on what being born again means, and today was the first day of why it's necessary. He started by quoting Calvin's opening sentence of Institutes of the Christian Religion: "Our wisdom, in so far as it ought to be deemed true and solid wisdom,consists almost entirely of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves." Piper then argued that knowledge of ourselves is harder than knowledge of God, which surprised me a bit. Here's his argument:

1. True knowledge of ourselves can only come when we have true knowledge of God.
2. We think we know ourselves, but we don't (Jer 17:9--the classic "The heart is deceitful above all things" passage.)

Thinking about it, I do agree with him. And only by being born again, can we have any hope of truly knowing ourselves. He then went on to Ephesians 4:18 and talked about the four layers of having one's understanding darkened. I could go on, but I won't. But it was really really good...it's been so long since I've heard such a deep, solid, and balanced message (and that's nothing against any of the churches I've been to in the last couple of years.)

Then afterward, I shopped in the bookstore, and bought a bunch of books, including one called Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, adapted from a conference with Piper and others. Should be good!

Later!

Upcoming schedule...

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted! The Honduras trip was downright awesome...got to see a completely different side of things. I'll try to write more about that later. This post is simply about my upcoming schedule:

Nov. 13-15: Training at Intel in Sacramento, CA
Nov. 26-27: Training at Lockheed Martin in Ft. Worth, TX--6th Texas trip this year!
Dec. 3-5: Training at MIT Lincoln Labs, just outside Boston
Dec. 10-14: Training in Minneapolis, MN. BRRRRRRR!
Jan. 21-25: TA'ing for someone in Phoenix. Phoenix in January...sweet!
Feb. 11-15: Training in Denver, CO...my first ever trip to Denver. Can't wait!!
Mar. 10-14: Training in Albuquerque, NM. I love the scenery.
May 12-16: Training in Philly. Yay Pat's Cheesesteaks!

Many more are coming. Stay tuned!

Three days until Honduras!

Dear all,

Hey! Sorry it's been so long since my last post...it's been a crazy time. Those of you who get e-mails from me know that I've moved, and I am really excited about my new place...it's one bedroom, just a 15 minute walk from the train station where I catch the commuter rail to go to work every morning I'm in town. Much better than the 30 minute commute just to the station I had before. Plus, being one bedroom, I can finally have people over and the like...I've really missed that from my days in Illinois. Woo-hoo!

So...I've been on the road, and I have mixed feelings about whether to continue the job or not. Each trip reminds me of both the good and the bad of this position: the bad, that I need to deal with airports and I have to be in "ready position" all the time (i.e. I can't just take 10 minutes to unwind if I feel I need to), but the great that I get to see really cool things and meet great people. Right now, I'm in Cape Canaveal, FL, where they launch space shuttles. I took the tour on Sunday, and it was awesome! Got to see the launch pad, the countdown box they show on TV, and the room where the launch of Apollo 8 (the first one to circle the moon) was controlled. Last week, I got to see a good friend I hadn't seen for 2.5 years. When would I have the opportunity to do so much that I've gotten to do with this job again in the future? But then, there are the trips to places like Midland, MI, and Rochester, NY that just make me go...blah.

Speaking of which, here's my upcoming schedule:

Oct. 1-5: Doing a service project at an orphanage in Honduras. More below.
Oct. 15-19: Austin, TX. Looking like it will only be two days.
Oct. 22-26: Raleigh, NC. Looking like it will be 2-4 days, but not all five.
Nov. 3: Friend's wedding near Philly. YAY!
Nov. 5-9: Rochester, NY. Yuk.
Nov. 12-16: Natick, MA. Training at our headquarters.
Dec. 10-14: Minneapolis. BRRRRRR.

Now...as for Honduras. There are 6 of us from work going to the El Hogar orphanage. Honduras is one of the poorest countries in the Americas, and that was before Hurricane Mitch ravaged it in 1998. El Hogar takes in kids who don't have parents and puts them through their school. This year, for the first time, they've started to accept girls as well as boys. I know a couple of people who went last year, and they said it was awesome. It's been 8 years since I've done a trip like this, and I'm nervous, but looking forward to it. It's been a while since I've been kicked this far outside my comfort zone, and I can't wait to see what God does. El Hogar is a Christian ministry; however, most of the people I'm going with are not Christians (I believe the only other Christian is the guy who's organizing the trip.) The plan is for me to drive directly to Miami tomorrow (Thursday), then meet up with the team on Saturday (9/29) morning at Miami airport, where they're connecting. Then I'll fly back next Saturday (10/6) directly back to Boston. It'll be quite the culture shift...I'm staying on South Beach in Miami, then going to Honduras. Yikes!

Alright...all prayers would be greatly appreciated, for the team, for the kids, for myself. Thanks and talk to you on the other side of the trip!

More YouTube madness

This is Here it Goes Again by OK Go. Really, not all that great of a song, but the video is awesome. When I was in Sweden last year, it was ranked #1 all time in MTV Europe's "Most genius videos." #2 was one of my personal favorites, Tonight Tonight by The Smashing Pumpkins. Enjoy!

Finally! Someone who understands me!

When am I getting married?

I know when I'm getting married! How? Well, I opened up MATLAB and ran the following piece of code:

>> rand('twister',sum(100*clock)) % Reset the random number generator
>> datestr(today+ceil((365*3+1)*rand)) % Pick a random date in the next three years
ans =
09-Nov-2008

There you go. Clearly, I am getting married on November 9, 2008. That's a Sunday, so it'll have to be after church. Mark your calendars now! :-)

Now that's freaky...

I just heard about the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. I was just there two weeks ago, and was no more than 1500 feet from that bridge from some of my walking. Wow...I praise God that I wasn't there at this time, but I'm praying for the people affected by this. Wow.

Q4 schedule is out...

...wow, hard to believe we're looking at that already. But here's my (tentative)schedule for the rest of the year(!), including the rest of this quarter:

Aug. 1-2: Boston-area company: Advanced MATLAB and GUI building
Aug. 8-9: Either Freeport, TX, or Midland, MI (yik): Basic MATLAB
Aug. 13-17: San Diego(!!): Basic MATLAB, GUI building, and basic Simulink
Sep. 11-14: Fort Worth, TX: Signal Processing in MATLAB & Simulink (TX trip #5 or 6 this year, depending on Aug. 8-9 training location)
Sep. 17-21: Cincinnati, OH: Basic & advanced MATLAB, advanced Simulink
Oct. 2-6: Work-sponsored trip to an orphanage in Tegucigalpa, Honduras (more info coming)
Oct. 16-20: Austin, TX: Signal Processing courses (TX trip #6 or 7!)
Oct. 23-27: Raleigh, NC (yay Matt & Leigh Ann!): Basic MATLAB, Simulink, and Real-Time Workshop
Nov. 12-16: At our headquarters in Natick, MA: Signal Processing courses
Dec. 10-14: Minneapolis, MN (brrrrr): Basic MATLAB, Signal Processing in MATLAB, and basic Real-Time Workshop

So there you go. I should end up with one more trip in Nov. and one more in Dec. No new cities at all, except for Freeport, TX or Midland, MI, whichever branch of that company takes our training. I'm at the point where there are pretty much three cities left that we train in that I want to go to: Phoenix, Denver, and Seattle.

In other news, I'm getting tired...I don't know how much longer I'm going to have this job. We'll see.

I am now off to meet some other ex-midwesterners to watch the Cubs-Cardinals game :-). Later, dudes!

The untold story of the last 2+ years

Dear friends,

I want to tell a story. A story about the last two years or so, and some things that have been going on that I haven’t shared with a whole lot of people. My prayer in doing so is that:

1. I understand some of the things I’m thinking/feeling right now. As is stated on Lauren Sheldon’s blog, “How will I know what I think until I see what I write?”

2. People get an idea of what’s been going on that I haven’t been telling them. I could call, but that would be a lot of explaining over and over again. Plus, I tend to explain myself better in writing than over the phone. Of course, if any of you has questions/comments, feel free to leave them using the comments link, by e-mailing me directly, or by giving me a call.

3. Some of you may be able to relate and get clearer thought on situations you’re in.

4. And ultimately, that the good Lord’s name is glorified.

To start this story off, you need to know some background. Back in 2003, I went through an almost unbearable physical pain. I had just finished getting my Master's degree and had no job for the fall. Most of that summer, I felt like I was having a constant heart attack--constant chest and shoulder pain, plus tingling sensations. The pain subsided one week while I was a camp counselor, but as soon as that was done, it came right back. After the Lord provided a job teaching at the local community college, the pain didn't go anywhere. I was thinking it was more of a "mental" problem than physical, but I finally did go see a doctor in Sept. 2003. Diagnosis? Anxiety depression. I was put on a prescription for an anti-depressant, which worked great! The pain subsided, my mood much improved, and my doctor had even told me that I would probably come off the medicine sometime around June 2005.

Fast forward. I moved to Boston in August 2004. Find a doctor? Well, I certainly should have, but I didn't. Thus, my prescription ran out in January 2005. What's five months or so? Riiiiggghhhttttt. The anti-depressant wore off, and I've been sinking back into the depression ever since. This time, there was little to no physical pain, but it affected me mentally much more than I care to admit.

In April 2005, shortly after I came off the medicine, I started to take the commuter rail to work, and in doing so, I met someone. I shall call her Jane. She and I quickly got along (not in a romantic sense!), and I found out early she wasn’t a Christian. As many of you know, God has given a strong burden for those who don’t know His grace. So I started to pray for opportunities to share His word with her. When we got together to celebrate her birthday a couple of months later, I found out she was going to a course held by Landmark Education, and as I dug deeper, I found out that she might be searching for a “new philosophy” (not her quote, just don’t know the right words to use.) Sweet! God’s already answering the prayer!
After Jane went to the Landmark course, I asked her what she learned. She talked about how she learned that her actions have much deeper motivation than most people realize. Sweet! God’s working in her! Often, a key step to one becoming a Christian is the recognition that their actions have deep motivations, and those motivations are often, if not always, quite selfish or wrong in some other way. (An example here might be giving at church—one might claim they’re giving because the church needs the money, but in reality, it’s because they want the church to think more highly of them.)

So at this point (August 2005), my mind starts playing connect the dots. I’m praying that she sees this, and she’s seeing this, so God is working, right? And, further, this means that He’ll answer my prayer in its totality, which means she will see her need for His grace and become a Christian soon, right?

Fast forward to June 2006. We hadn’t talked much about Christianity for a while, but I’ve still been praying for her. I continue what’s become a mini-tradition for us by this point, namely we treat each other out for ice cream on each other’s birthday. The topic comes back up—once again, she’s interested in talking further about why she does the things she does, and how she can change. I continue to pray for an opportunity to speak to her about the Bible’s answer to that very important question—how the Holy Spirit enters our lives upon asking for grace through Christ, convicts us of sin, and changes our hearts to want to be more Christ-like. The opportunity comes in August that year, when after a conversation, I take a risk and e-mail her, telling her that while I’m praying for some things she asked me to pray for, I’m really praying that she sees that she can truly change only through Christ’s blood. How does she respond? Well, first she thanks me, then…

September 5, 2006. I get this in an e-mail from her:

“I’ve been thinking and I think I’d like to come to church with you at least once. Let me know what you think.”

Hello! I had invited her generically to church before, but I had no idea this was coming. Awesome!! My response:

“As for coming to church with me…that’s kinda like asking a dog if he wants a steak!”

OF COURSE I wanted her to come to church with me. More proof that I’m doing the right thing, and that God will reward me by using me to bring her to Him, right? We went a couple of times, and she seemed pretty responsive. Then she went to an orphanage in Honduras with some co-workers on a trip organized by a Christian. Upon returning, she tells me how she was affected, and it seemed the Lord had done a great thing in her while she was there. She was touched more than I could have hoped for. She’s so close!!...or so it seemed.

It’s now October 2006, and I go to Sweden for six weeks for work. We keep in touch by e-mail. The first signs of “trouble” came about a week into that trip, when she admitted she had doubts about becoming a Christian. OK, I think, that’s perfectly fine. It’s good she’s thinking deeply about this and not just blindly jumping in. Then, a couple of weeks go by, and I get an e-mail detailing some of the doubts. It’s clear that these aren’t just minor doubts she’s having that have easy answers. “What’s going on, God?” I start to think. Why do I feel something I’m holding onto so tightly starting to slip away? I ask her if the decision is “final”, and she responds with, “No. No decision is ever final, I think.” At that point, we agree to discuss this in more detail in person when I get back.

So we do. The first week of December, 2006, we get together at P.F. Chang’s restaurant in downtown Boston to discuss her thoughts. It boils down to the fact that she’s not comfortable with the idea that God gets all the credit for defeating sin—she wants some of the credit too. We agree that I won’t ask her to come to church again unless she brings it up first. OK…well, God is testing me—right? He’s testing me to see if I’ll have patience to continue reaching out to her, to get through this brief blip—right? After all, I’ve worked so hard, how can He keep this from me—right?

By now, you can see where this is going. As the months go on, it becomes clearer and clearer that she’s not going to accept the message of the Gospel. In fact, she sent me a video called “The Secret” which details what she believes. In short, The Secret puts forth the concept of the Law of Attraction, which basically states that if you think about something enough, the universe will recognize it, and you’ll get it. One example from the video was someone who wanted a lot of money, so he kept thinking about making $100,000. Eventually, an idea popped into his head (I forget what it was off-hand), and by working toward that idea, he got his $100,000. But you need to keep thinking about it; if you stop thinking before the universe grants it to you, the universe will sense your shift in thinking and not give it to you. In later conversations, Jane shares with me examples of where she’s seen this happen in her life, and it’s clear she’s quite fond of this concept.

One thing depression does is it can really mask your feelings. You don’t really know how you feel about certain situations, because you’re just, well, depressed. At this point (April 2007), I had started to get really frustrated, but not realize it. How could something I worked for so hard come so close, and yet not come to pass? Why is God not rewarding me for my faithfulness? Unfortunately, I’m not acknowledging that I’m having those feelings, so I have a conversation with her that I shouldn’t. Without getting into details, I’ll say that I was trying to take out my frustration on her, she realized it, and it humbled me. I realized that I didn’t quite understand how I felt, and that it wasn’t fair to let my depression affect her like that, so I call the doctor’s office the next week and make an appointment for June 12 to get back on the medicine (yes, over a month after I called—go Boston medical system!)

I still hadn’t given up hope. In June, I went to San Diego, and as I was at church there, a question popped into my head: “Am I mad at God?” Definitely a question the Holy Spirit placed in me, and the answer was yes, I was definitely mad at God. How could He let me get so close at yet not let it happen? Well, I don’t claim to have all the answers, but you can see from the account that I had gotten extremely selfish and prideful—I deserve to have her become a Christian, and I deserve to get the credit for it. Ironically, the same issue that helped keep her from becoming a Christian is now one I’m struggling with—giving God all the credit and glory. It’s a good example of James 2:3-4:

“You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

Alright…so at this point, the only question left is do I acknowledge that the situation is dead or not? The depression medicine starts to kick in, and I start to realize just how much I really wanted that answer, and just how angry I was that things didn’t go the way I wanted. I really didn’t know whether I should be continuing to actively pursue this or not. So a couple of weeks ago, to celebrate my successfully joining her team in a challenge at the gym at work and to celebrate her birthday, we agree to go canoeing and then get ice cream. I felt God telling me that I would have my answer by the end of the night. And praise Him, He gave it to me. Jane and I had a long talk about the whole situation, about how both of us felt throughout. It was clear that this is something that I shouldn’t be spending much time or energy on, at least for the time being. One thing she said that really comforted me was something like, “I really don’t think you could’ve done anything better that would’ve made me become a Christian.”

So am I at peace with it? Not really, though I’m getting there. He’s showing me that I need to take the time & energy I spent on this situation, and spread it around, e.g. getting involved at church and in other people’s lives. In fact, He’s shown me a lot through this (in no particular order):

1. That my motivation in seeing others see the grace of Christ is often, if not always, dead wrong. I desire to take credit, to put the feather in my cap, and He simply will not reward that.

2. That if I expect to help others, I really do need to take care of the body God’s given me, especially as I start to get older. Paul writes about how his body was a slave to him. I tend to be a slave to my body. To that extent, I’ve started going to the gym and eating healthier, and I have a goal to run a 5K race by my 30th birthday (August 2008).

3. That my conviction to not date a non-Christian is a correct one. To be clear, she and I were never close to dating, but what if I had started to date her, especially in a “mission dating” sense? (“Mission dating” means to date someone specifically to bring them to Christ.) The result would have likely been the same; I see no reason to believe she would have become a Christian if we were in a relationship. And then when she decided not to become a Christian, what do I do? Break up with her on the spot? Great way to show Christ’s love: “You’ve rejected Christ, now I’ll reject you.” But if I don’t break up with her, then I’m continuing a relationship that would dead end—the Bible is very clear about not marrying a non-Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14, which I believe also refers to dating a non-Christian.) Paul warns us, “How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16) That’s in the context of explaining why a Christian is free to re-marry if they’re married to a non-Christian, and the non-Christian leaves them, but I believe the principle holds true for non-marital relationships as well.

4. That I simply cannot control God. He will do as He pleases. I also cannot control other people.

5. That God cares as much, if not more, about the methods as the result. This is counterintuitive to what society says, especially in business—in business, it’s all about whether you hit the revenue target or not. More importantly, it’s counterintuitive to how I feel—somewhere, I’ve picked up the idea that the result is what matters most. But God doesn’t see things that way—having the right motivation but getting the “wrong” result is so much better than having the wrong motivation but getting the “right” result. And just because the result isn’t what we expect…well, it’s always the “right” result. Saying it’s not is saying that God’s not in control.

6. That I can’t deny my feelings. Somewhere along the way, I’ve fallen for the idea that if I think I shouldn’t have a particular feeling, then I can deny that feeling and it will go away. For example, in this case, I was (and still am) mad at God. Of course, a Christian “shouldn’t” be mad at God. Therefore, I denied it—and took it out on Jane. Time and time again, God shows me this concept, and yet I keep doing it.

So there you have it. The untold story of my last two years. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, and please do be praying for me. The depression medicine is working quite well—in addition to helping me understand the above, I’m also already seeing how the depression has affected me getting involved in this city, and I’m starting to get more involved with activities, both in church and outside. So praise the Lord for that! I’ll finish with one my favorite passages:

“So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”—Romans 7:21-25a

Want to meet "random" new people?

A friend of mine introduced me to an awesome website last week:

http://www.meetup.com

The idea is that you find people with similar interests and, well, meet up. Anything from games to outdoor activities to books to common locations of where people lived (e.g. an ex-Canadians group.) I just went to my first event yesterday, the "The Illuminated Frisbee Nighttime Throw-Around," up in Cambridge, and it was a lot of fun. The people were great, and we got a game of Ultimate Frisbee going in the dark with a light-up frisbee. No competitive pressure due to the fact that you can barely see each other, so no one can fault you for a bad throw. I think I've had the most fun I've had in Boston in the last week--went canoeing and had ice cream with a friend last weekend, then went up to Harvard Square to watch chess, and now Frisbee-ing. Praise the Lord!

She shouldn't move to Boston!

So I made it to San Diego today. I'm staying in the Gas Lamp District, which is quite active at night! I walked around a bit, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of this city tomorrow and throughout the next week.

On my way here from Philly, I was chatting with my seatmate in first class. (That's 34 straight upgrades on US Airways, not counting last-minute flight changes.) She visits SD regularly to see her boyfriend, and she told me that the worst time to visit is May - early June. Why?

"Because it's sometimes cloudy in the morning."

What happened to Bob and Larry?

I don't know if there are any Veggie Tales fans out there. For those not familiar, the Veggie Tales were VHS videos created in 1993 to promote Biblical values in a setting that kids & adults would be able to relate to. Bob the Tomato & Larry the Cucumber were the main characters, and they'd appear as "actors" in different stories, many based off of Biblical stories. It was done as computer-animated video, and to this day, they still look great. The Veggie Tales can sometimes be seen as part of NBC's Qubo block on Saturdays 12-1 PM.

Anyway, the reason I talk about them is because I just found a fascinating article written by their creator, Phil Vischer, about the rise and fall of the original company that made them. Very introspective, and I think it brings much glory to the God who gave him this idea.

Enjoy!

Ah yes...

...my time in Europe in 1998 had a lot going for it musically. Got to hear a lot of great bands, American, British, French, etc. Quite a few songs to which I related extremely well and listen to to this day to think back upon the amazing time there.

Then there was the cheese pop.



(Ten points for the first person to correctly identify this song! It was a big hit in Europe in May-June 1998 and then a moderate hit in the States in November-ish 1998, if that helps.)

Comments from Chicago

Just a couple of thoughts from last week's trip...

1. Gina & Dave, thank you so much for opening your house up to us. I had a lot of fun; it was great to see you two & Jenni and Jeff. I may have to buy that bowling game :-).

2. Jenni & Jeff, thank you so much for coming up! It means a lot to me that you made the trek. Jeff, congrats on winning Settlers! Hopefully, we'll get to see each other again soon!

3. Most of you know I'm no fan of suburbs--I'd much rather be in the city. But I do like how Chicago's suburbs are setup. They really compliment the city; they have unique things you don't find in Chicago or other suburbs, such as forest preserves & unique restaurants. As I once heard it put, suburbs in the Northeast "have no soul;" Chicago's at least have some. But I'd still rather be in the city.

4. The hotel I stayed in, the Renaissance Schaumburg, was easily the most technologically advanced hotel I've stayed in. The HD TVs were AWESOME! You haven't lived until you've seen sewage on Discovery's HD Theatre channel :-). But the same channel also had "Sunrise Earth" each morning where they'd spend an hour or two just showing sunrises...amazing. Almost enough to make me go out and buy an HD TV right now. They also had TVs in the bathroom mirror(!) and the fitness machines in the gym. You could also hook up your laptop to display to the TV monitor.

5. Speaking of the hotel, when the clerk checked me in, she saw my # of nights this year and asked, "Do you have a home?" :-)

6. The teaching went well, though I was feeling a bit claustrophobic by the end. It was at a Department of Defense contractor, and as such, Zach (fellow trainer) & I had to be escorted at all times when we were in the building, including to the bathroom. It really does wear on me after a while--I do like having some alone time during the day.

7. Zach & I went into Chicago one night; it's difficult getting there during rush hour! The "reverse commute" concept doesn't seem to apply--traffic's heavy both ways during rush hour. We ended up driving to a far-our stop on the Blue Line and took that in; about 90 minutes in, 60 out. We probably could have saved some time by taking Metra (Chicago's commuter rail), but Zach wanted the real experience on the El. We went up the Sears Tower & then had dinner back at ground level. It was my third time up the Sears Tower, and it never gets old--Chicago has amazing architecture; I love the view when flying in from Lake Michigan.

8. If you like Italian Beef, you have to check out the Cheesy Beef at Zippy's in Schaumburg. If you don't like Italian Beef, you have to check out the Cheesy Beef at Zippy's. If you've never had Italian Beef, you have to check out the Cheesy Beef at Zippy's. If you're vegetarian...well, I won't go that far. But it was GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Alright, enough rambling. Later!

Q3 schedule is out...

...so here we go:

(Note: the first three trips are still in Q2. Just putting them here for completeness.)

May 21-25: Training at a company in Rolling Meadows, IL. Flying out later today! Yay Chicago!
June 4-8: Dallas, TX!
June 18-22: San Diego, CA!! As it turns out, my dad may also be out there!
July 9-13: Houston, TX. I'm not a big fan, but it's still better than, say, Trumbull, CT :-)
July 16-20: Minneapolis, MN!! I'll finally get to go to John Piper's church!
August 13-17: San Diego, CA!! The most surprising one--I thought for sure someone else would get this.
Sept. 11-14: Training at a company in Fort Worth, TX. They suddenly love sending me to the Dallas area--3rd trip to Dallas and 5th trip to Texas this year. BOOO Cowboys!
Sept. 17-21: Cincinnati, OH. Yay.

So another fun quarter coming up. There should be one more trip in August, so we'll see where that ends up being.

In other news, I got my second ever bump yesterday when the Austin to Chicago flight I was on was oversold. Flew American through Dallas instead and got in an hour late. So I got a free ticket on United and avoided a 3 hour flight on a regional jet. Can't complain!

Alright...off to prepare for Chicago :-).

Response to some comments

Wow! A fair number people have commented since I've started this thing, so I wanted to respond. Thank you, and keep the comments coming! I'm responding in order I remember them.

Keith, re: post about Sweden. Sweden was awesome! But it would take a lot more than one post--I actually kept a blog on our company's internal-only website. I'll see what I can do.

c the maven, re: Relient K. Yay! Another Relient K fan! I'm glad you've seen the light :-). If you like what you hear from them, I strongly recommend checking out their albums The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek and Mmmm Hmmm. I love Relient K, as they've got a great mix of serious/deep songs and humorous songs.

Rusty, re: coming to MCI. Dude, I want to. I really do. Tell ya what: you find people who need to learn how to use MATLAB and are willing to pay to receive said training, and I'll gladly follow up and deliver it :-).

Jenni, re: if I'm coming to IL. Actually, yes! I recently got assigned a training in Rolling Meadows, a Chicago suburb NW of O'Hare. Dates are May 21 - 25. Due to my trip to Austin the week before, I'm not sure if I'll be able to fly Friday & drive down to Champaign like I did last year or not. Would you and Jeff want to come up to Chicagoland that Saturday (5/19)? If they're around, we could get together with Gina & Dave and have a fun night of Phase 10 action!

John K. and Kim C., re: getting together in Baltimore & Dallas, respectively: apologies to both of you. Both trips left me with little to no time to get together :-(. Hopefully next time! (And did you know you could make a Wheel of Fortune-like Before & After puzzle with your names? John Kim Corbett.)

Matt & Leigh Ann, re: Raleigh. The Farmer's Market in Raleigh is cool, so definitely check it out, and make sure to hit the restaurant next to it. If I go back, we'll definitely have to get together!

For all, here's my upcoming schedule:

May 15-18: Austin, TX (may be cut short due to lack of enrollments)
May 21-25: Rolling Meadows, IL
June 4-8: Dallas, TX
June 18-22: San Diego, CA

July-September schedule should be coming out in the next week or two. Highlights include our first ever trip to Fargo, ND!

I'm also planning to take vacation either the week of June 11 or June 25. I'm thinking of going to Seattle, as I've never been there before and I can't seem to get a training there.

And in other news...I've been going to the gym. Yes, me. There is most definitely a God :-)!

Peace out!

"Spartan"--Five Iron Frenzy

Billie Holiday on the radio
My sluggish heart is beating seven beats too slow
Another sad song and another shot of blue
Cold and unconcerned are anything but new

He said, “Love endures all things”
And it hurts to think He’s right
If I mark the span of failure
Is His burden just as light?

I am, Spartan
Close my heart so tight
Jesus
Save me
From myself tonight

Limping through the world
There’s a knowing look or two
Is it just the cripples here
Who understand the truth?
Why is love so painful
Why do we always lose
Paving pathways for the lost
The bitter, and recluse?

He said, “Love endures all things”
And it hurts to think it’s true
Did it nail Him on a cross
Did it crucify Him too?

The angels are singing over the plains
The shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains
And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain
Meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem...

Where have I flown?

Found a SWEET new site recently:

http://www.flightmemory.com

The idea is you can put in all the flights you've ever been on, and FlightMemory will generate a map of where you've been (see above for my domestic map), and also statistics. So for me:

# flights 183
Total miles: 122,912
Earth Circumnavigation 4.94 x
Distance to the Moon 0.515 x
Distance to the Sun 0.0013 x


Longest Flight (distance):
3,943 mi, 7:33 h, Frankfurt (Rhein-Main) - Philadelphia, 11-22-2006

Shortest Flight:
55 mi, 0:36 h, Philadelphia - Allentown (Lehigh Valley International), 07-29-2006

Average Flight:
672 mi, 1:43 h

"Milestone" flights:
#1 PHL-MCO (Orlando, FL)--senior class trip in high school, 4/20/1996

#50 DTW-IND (Detroit to Indianapolis)--2nd half of a reroute after BOS-IND nonstop had been cancelled. Was going to Lafayette, IN to give a presentation at Purdue. 12/08/2004

#100 BOS-PHL--trip to Philly for work, 03/31/2006

#150 BOS-FRA (Frankfurt, Germany)--the first half of my flights to Sweden last year, 10/13/2006

So it took 8 years to get my first 50 flights, 15 months for the next 50, 6.5 for the next 50, and I should hit #200 by this summer. Talk about exponential growth!

Domestic 171
Intra-Continental 3
Intercontinental 4
Other flights 5

(Other includes intra-European flights.)

Top Ten Airports
1 BOS Boston 80
2 PHL Philadelphia 52
3 DTW Detroit 22
4 ORD Chicago 22
5 CLT Charlotte 16
6 DCA Washington 12
7 CMI Champaign 12
8 DEN Denver 10
9 LGA New York 9
10 PHX Phoenix 8

No real surprises, except that I hadn't realized I'd used O'Hare so often. In fact, with the top four being plagued by bad weather issues, it's no wonder people tell me I look like I'm over 30! :-)

Top Ten Airlines
1 US Airways 83
2 Northwest Airlines 27
3 United Airlines 19
4 American Airlines 12
5 America West Airlines 12
6 Delta Airlines 6
7 British Airways 4
8 AirTran 4
9 Continental Airlines 4
10 Air Canada 3

Not shown is any tie for 10th place; in my case, Lufthansa would also be 10th with 3 flights. No surprises there at all--I used to use Northwest when I lived in the Midwest, but now use US almost exclusively.

Top Ten Aircraft
1 Airbus 319 36
2 Boeing 737 34
3 Canadair 22
4 Airbus 320 20
5 Embraer 145 11
6 Saab 340 9
7 McDonnell Douglas-9 6
8 McDonnell Douglas-80 6
9 Boeing 757 6
10 Embraer 170 5

CRJs (Canadairs) are the 3rd highest plane type for me? I HATE those things!! I'd almost rather have a turboprop.

Booking classes:
Economy 151
First 32

Seat:
Window 95
Middle 1
Aisle 87

Flight Purpose:
Personal 62
Business 121

So there you have it. Good stuff!

If you don't like the weather, part II

In Chicago...

Yesterday (Tue. 4/3): 70 degrees
Today (Wed. 4/4): 35 and flurries

Welcome to the Midwest!

But, did I mention that I'm in Chicago? I did? Kewlness :-) :-) :-)

Guess where I am?

Oh yeah...CHICAGO, BABY!!! Just got here, and I'll be here for a week. The picture you see is from my hotel room...I can see that sign, some of Lake Michigan, the Chicago River, and Millenium Park from the window of the 26th floor corner room they upgraded me to. SWEET!!!

Dallas two weeks ago was OK, but I didn't get there until Sunday night (Monday morning) at 1:15 AM...LOOONNNNGGGG story. I may try to write it up later. At least I got a night in Philly, though Rick's Cheesesteaks at the Reading Terminal Market was closed :-( :-( :-(. This was from my hotel room there:

But...I'M BACK IN CHICAGO!!

New Relient K CD rocks!

"We should get jerseys/Cause we make a good team/But yours would look better than mine/Cause you're out of my league."

--Relient K, "I Must Have Done Something Right"

Hmmm...I need to try the above pickup line sometime :-).

I love these guys, and their newest CD (Five Score and Seven Years Ago) is no exception. Between them & Five Iron Frenzy, you could have a block of songs at a wedding of "Really cheesy love songs," including this one. Good stuff :-) :-) :-).

Also...here's what snow in Boston looks like:

I'm supposed to be heading out to Dallas tomorrow. With the weather now & forecasted for tomorrow, we'll see what happens. I'll report if I get there.

Laterz!

If you don't like the weather...

...wait 5 minutes!

Wednesday: 68 degrees & sun.
Today: Mid-40s, rain.
Tomorrow: Winter storm warning for 6 inches of snow.

Gotta love Boston in March :-). This snow should get us above the record for least snow in a year...the least ever was 8.2", Boston's Logan International Airport has only had 6.8" so far.

Current temp in Dallas: 73. And it's 9:30 at night there. I'll be going there Saturday :-).

It's a special day...

Today's date: 3/14

Thus, from all of us math geeks...happy National Pi Day!

"Well, you can use the Port-a-Potties!"

Trained at a military base this past week. Quite an interesting experience! Some members of the military live on the base, and the base had everything--restaurants, a bowling alley, recreation center, a tire place, a gas station, etc.

The training itself took place in a building that looks like it could've been converted from a barracks. The room itself was pretty bad--you couldn't see the projector screen unless ALL lights were off, the heat wasn't great, and there were no drinks or bathrooms. When I asked where the bathrooms were, the quote in the title is what they told me. No joke! Luckily, there were also some bathrooms in a nearby building, though I had to be escorted there.

The class itself, though, was great! Most people were around the same age as me & my TA, and we had a lot of fun together. There were a couple of Steelers & NY Giants fans, so I got to rib on them about their lack of success this past year, though they got me back by reminding me how many Super Bowls the Eagles have won (which is exactly 0.) For the most part, dinner wasn't very exciting, though one night, we went into Bel Air, MD, and there was a magician entertaining at the restaurant we went to. Very cool.

Flights back:

US 3676 BWI-PHL:
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/AWI3676/history/20070309/0210Z/KBWI/KPHL

US 854 PHL-BOS:
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/USA854/history/20070309/0444Z/KPHL/KBOS

BWI-PHL, all of 90 miles and 20 minutes in air, was uneventful, except that they couldn't find a jetbridge operator once we got into Philly.

PHL-BOS was another story. Got upgraded (this makes 25 upgrades in a row, not counting flights booked within one hour of flight time), but that was about the only good thing. Rule #1 about PHL-BOS or BOS-PHL flights is that after about 2 PM, they WILL be late. This was no exception. After switching gates, we start boarding around 11 PM (for a 10:45 flight), and then everything SLOOOOOOWWWWWWSSSSSSS down. Overhead space started running out, and people from the really late 8:30 flight were trying to get on ours. Then there was the first class passenger who, uh, had a bit too much to drink before stepping on the plane. But the FA's did a good job handling her, and we got in the air, only to hear this:

"Current temperature in Boston: 10 degrees."

?!?!?!

We landed around 12:30 AM (only 30 minutes late, after all that). The drunk passenger was completely conked out, totally oblivious to the fact that we had pulled up to the gate. At least the bags came out pretty quickly for such a full flight.

Got home around 1:15 AM, fell asleep around 2, and didn't wake up today until 12. It felt good :-).

Later!

BWI flights and next haircut?

Greetings from Bel Air, MD! Flights here were interesting...first, SLC-PHX was late due to a late inbound flight. Turned a 58 minute connection into about 25. But...I got to see the Grand Canyon! From an airplane window, at least. It was off to our right, and I never realized just how large it was. That thing is huge! But it's also really really cool. Now to get to it by land sometime. God is so beautiful!

PHX-BWI wasn't eventful. A bit bumpy at first, we then watched Night at the Museum. Not bad, though it's not going in my DVD collection anytime soon. Lunch was lasagne with shrimp; not bad for airplane food. Got into BWI 15 minutes late, but my bag made it, even with the short connection. Phew! Drive to the hotel took about 35 minutes.

Today, I drove around Baltimore. I hadn't been in Baltimore since 1988, on a Cub Scout trip. It's quite nice in the Inner Harbor area! I also got to finish off the Baltimore Interstate milage I hadn't yet covered (I have an Excel spreadsheet where I keep track of the Interstates I've been on.)

Now...as for the other part of the title, it's time for me to get a haircut. I've gotten a flattop for almost as long as it's been since I last went to Baltimore. What do others think? Should I go for another one, or something else? If something else, then what else? I know nothing about different hair styles; after all, I'm an engineer :-)!

Now off to "enjoy" Aberdeen...

Final SLC thoughts

The week is over. The teaching today didn't go too badly; we got done around 3 PM, an hour early. That's typical for this course. As for my impressions of SLC, I think Zach, the TA, summed it up best when he said, "This feels like a large suburb." Salt Lake really does feel that way. I'm personally not a suburb fan--I just find them all to be the same. They do have some nice things here: the Rockies, as per my earlier pictures, and the Mormon temple does look nice:



Where would I rank it? Unofficially, #11, below San Jose, above Buffalo.

Next trip is next week. I'm flying directly to Baltimore from here. Here's my itinerary:

US Airways flight 42 SLC-Phoenix 10:31 AM - 12:12 PM
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/AWE42/history/20070303/1833Z/KSLC/KPHX

US Airways flight 83 PHX-Baltimore 1:10 PM - 7:20 PM
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/AWE83/history/20070303/2032Z/KPHX/KBWI

I've been upgraded to first class on both flights. Yay!

Later, peeps!

The perils of teaching

...so I'm trying to teach one of our most notoriously difficult courses, and I come up with what I think is a brilliant idea for the flow of a chapter that's a tough chapter to have a flow for. Of course, this idea was 5 minutes before teaching the section, but hey, improv is half the fun of teaching, at least for me.

Well, you can guess where this is going. The idea blows up in my face due to a bug in our product I wasn't aware of. So what should've taken 5 minutes took closer to 30, and I was already behind 30 minutes due to an extremely slow lunch restaurant. Plus, I got to finish the day by looking like a fool in front of 15 people. Now my confidence is shot, and I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, when I have to finish up the section.

Off to prepare...

Q2 schedule is out...

...and this is going to be a fun three months!! Here goes...

April 2-6: My #1 city, Chicago!
April 25-26: Stratford, CT. I'll survive two days.
May 15-18: Austin, TX
June 4-8: Dallas, TX
June 18-22: San Diego, CA!!

In other news, due to a bit of a mixup, I'm now staying in downtown SLC instead of by the airport. It's nice here! Of course, 3-6 inches of snow is predicted for tomorrow...at least the TA will be teaching.

The Rockies from Salt Lake City

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat."--Psalm 19:1-6

I got here!

Flight itinerary:

US 298 Boston-Las Vegas 8 PM - 11:14 PM
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/AWE298/history/20070225/0132Z/KBOS/KLAS

US 459 Vegas- Salt Lake City 11:52 PM - 2:18 AM
http://flightaware.com/live/flight/AWE459/history/20070225/0812Z/KLAS/KSLC

Yes, you read that correctly. 2:18 AM was the SCHEDULED arrival time. When you think about it, the fact that there is a Vegas-SLC flight is a bit of an enigma...from Sin City to the Mormon capital of the world!


The flight to Vegas was quite turbulent. As a general rule of thumb, if there are storms on the ground, it's going to be bumpy in the air. In other words, with the midwest snow storm, it was quite a flight! I've learned to be less nervous during turbulence, but it's still hard for me to trust in God's control when I'm up in the air. The investment in Dell Math Problems & Logic Puzzles is priceless during those times...it really helps to distract me.


Flight arrived a couple of minutes early to Vegas. SLC isn't the only late flight out...there were flights to L.A., Phoenix, and Seattle as well, plus a smattering of red-eyes back to the east coast. And how do you know you're in Vegas? When you see something like this at the airport:




Yup...slots in the airport.



Anyway, flight to SLC was a couple of minutes early as well, and also fairly turbulent. At least I got upgraded to first class on both flights. Of course, by the time I got to the hotel, it was 3 AM Mountain time, or 5 AM Boston. Just a bit tired :-). Unfortunately, I didn't get to church this morning.



Now time to explore SLC!

Upcoming schedule

With the switch to Salt Lake (see post below this one), here's my upcoming schedule. Course names are given at the end of this post.

Feb. 24 - Mar. 2: Teaching ML01-O/SL01/SL02 in Salt Lake City, UT. Replaces Toronto trip.
Mar. 3: Fly directly from SLC to Baltimore, MD
Mar. 5 - 8: Teaching ML01/ML02/ML04 in Aberdeen, MD
Mar. 8: Fly back to Boston
Mar. 19-23: Teaching SG01/SG02/CM01 in Dallas--my chance to laugh at the city that picked up T.O.!
Mar. 24: Friend's wedding in Richmond, IN, about 50 miles east of Indianapolis
Mar. 26: Fly back to Boston

So as you can see, it's going to be a busy couple of weeks, but I like the combo of courses & cities--some big ones, some small ones. Thinking about going to SLC later today has me excited...flight leaves BOS at 8 PM, gets to SLC at 2:18 AM, connecting in Las Vegas (no, I won't play any slots!)

Courses:
ML01-O*: MATLAB for Aerospace Applications. Same as our basic MATLAB course, but the exercises are all from the aerospace industry.
SL01: Basic Simulink
SL02: Advanced Simulink
ML01: Basic MATLAB
ML02: Advanced MATLAB
ML04*: Building GUIs in MATLAB
SG01: Signal Processing in MATLAB
SG02*: Signal Processing in Simulink
CM01*: Communication Systems in Simulink (these last three were the ones I was supposed to teach in Toronto, but I've only taught SG01 up to this point.)

*--This will be my first time teaching this course

Salt Lake City or Toronto?

A co-worker of mine yesterday asked if we could switch trips. I'm scheduled to Toronto next week, him to Salt Lake City. I've actually decided to switch, as the Toronto training is a highly customized one that probably should be taught by someone who has taught the full suite of signal processing courses before. I've only taught one of the three. I called him this morning to tell him that, and he apparently needs to check some things with his wife, but he'll be calling me back soon...so I may be in SLC for next week, immediately followed by a week in Aberdeen, MD (45 minutes north of Baltimore). I'd fly out later today...nothing like last minute planning :-).

Update: he just called back. I'm off to SLC!

Oh, and another friend of mine just sent me a link to a Greek singer singing "Can't Take My Eyes off of You"...or at least trying to. Let's put it this way: her dancing makes the Stose move look absolutely brilliant :-).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j74oAlA6RK8

Theory #DO178B about why I don't like Boston...

...but this time, it comes with the potential of change. Many of you have heard my theories about why I don't like it here--people are snobby, elitist, don't care about each other, yada, yada, yada. While there may be some truth to that, I strongly believe that whenever there's conflict, there's blame on both sides. Most of my feelings toward Boston have been things wrong with Boston but not myself. Of course, as Christ said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5.) I've known this but not really been willing to look at me...

...until a day or two ago, when I was responding to Half Lite Dreamer's comment about my first post on this blog. As I was thinking about "clearly seeing some purposes for me," I started to realize, what am I looking for from God? What kind of purposes do I expect to see? When I've seen "purposes" in the past, they've been about what I sometimes think is my main purpose: to be #1. When I was at Lafayette and was involved in the Christian Fellowship & DiscipleMakers, I got a lot of attention, and frankly, my ego swelled because of it. When I then moved to Illinois, I got involved with a ministry in just its second year of rebuilding, the Navigators, and again received a lot of high praise for involvement--again, feeding my ego. When things with Navs went sour, I still had the church I was going to to fall back upon--I was involved with the teenagers, I was running the laptop being used for song projection, etc. Again, ego fed, I was happy.

Moving to Boston, however, my ego hasn't been fed. The lack of friendships has been well-documented. I've tried getting involved at a couple of different churches, but to get involved, it's always been, "sure you can help--you'll be reporting to this person." But I don't want to report to that person! Trust me as your go to guy! The city sure isn't feeding my ego either--it seems for this city to look positively at someone, it seems they must be attractive, rich (and in either case, willing to flaunt it), or a relative of Ted Kennedy. Even if I were attractive or rich, I have no desire to flaunt that.

So what's the solution? "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you" (Rom 8:9a.) God is revealing this sin to me, and I praise Him for it! I am thankful He's placed me in a place where I would have no choice but to see it, even if it did take 2.5 years, and I shall now begin the process of prayer and looking for specific places that I can serve, even if I'm not the #1 or #2 or #100 guy. And if you who are reading this could pray for me too, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."(Romans 5:8)

"Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong"--Relient K, "For the Moments I Feel Faint" (from the album The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek, 2001)

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/relientk/forthemomentsifeelfaint.html

Ever see a Panamanian coin?

Rummaging through the change in my pocket, I found this. A Panamanian 5 centesimos piece! It's identical in size & shape to a US nickel. More info here:

http://panama-information.executivehotel-panama.com/in-panama-currency.htm

City rankings

Just for fun, here's my ranking of the 20 North American cities I've been to for work. I'm not including Philadelphia (since I'm from the area) or Boston (since I live here now). I may fill in details later, this is just a ranking. Here goes:

1. Chicago
2. San Francisco
3. Ft. Collins, CO
4. Albuquerque
5. Montreal
6. Austin
7. Pensacola, FL
8. Washington, DC
9. Los Angeles
10. San Jose
11. Buffalo
12. Las Vegas
13. Cleveland
14. Houston
15. Raleigh
16. Palmdale, CA
17. Newport News, VA
18. Dayton, OH
19. Rochester, NY
20. Annandale, NJ (sorry Lauren!)

Who am I? What's "Ravine Dwelling" mean?

Welcome to my little corner of the web! This is a complete experiment; this may be my only post, it may not. About me:

Name: Brian
Age: 28
Location: Originally from a Philadelphia suburb, presently in Boston
Occupation: Training engineer, which means I travel the country teaching people how to use engineering software

So where does the title come from?

"Have you heard, have you heard?
About this girl who was ripped up by her roots
Have you heard, what she learned?
Like humility - you win when you lose

I have learned, I have learned
The most horrifying nights have an end
I was hurt, I was lost
In the dark I found a way to a friend"

Lately, I've been on a YouTube kick finding songs from the mid-90s that meant a lot to me, and I stumbled upon one that described my situation back then quite well. I was quite lonely throughout high school, but in Oct. 1995, I went to a conference in DC where I had my first ever crush. Through having that crush, I saw the "ravine" I had fallen into, and I saw said crush as the way out. Thus, this song was, in my mind, about her.

Fast forward 11.5 years, and I almost feel like I'm back in the same situation. Here in Boston, I've been stuck in a "ravine" ever since I moved out here...

"I am standing here in my ravine
Once again I see a piece of the sky..."

Every once in a while I feel like I see a piece of the sky, including this past Sunday, when one of my few Bostonian friends graciously agreed to have dinner with me and then play games. It meant a lot. But I know it's not the ultimate way out of this ravine.

"Was a flower, was so frail
And I let the trees grow wild around me
Grew so high, hid the sky
Shaded everything I needed to see"

The ravine I'm in is due to my sin. Traps that my flesh, Satan, and the world have set for me that I've fallen hook, line, and sinker for. Sin that had manifested itself in some ways in prior years, but that God has released the restraint on since I moved here. I'm thankful He's showing me the trees that are growing wild around me.

"Then one night, someone came
Took a knife and ripped me up by my roots
Tossed astray, far away
In the darkest night, I started to pray"

That's what I'm praying God would do to me. Take a knife and rip me up by my roots. Or re-rip me up if you will. It's hard to believe that it's been over 10 years since He first ripped me up, and I don't want to believe He needs to keep ripping me up. I want to believe that at some point, I'll be a good person that He only needs to make minor adjustments to. But as I become deeper involved with Christ, I'm seeing that to be a false hope--instead, the full hope is found in Christ's blood and ONLY in Christ's blood.

"Why do you, why do you ask?
Why I'm not blaming my God?
I'll tell you, I'll tell you what
He was the only one there"

That's the one part of the song that back in 1995 didn't mean anything to me. But now I know, He is the only one consistently there. He is the one showing me my sin, and He is the one who gives me hope. Hope for a future, hope that He will use me in spite of my sin, hope that living in Boston isn't a lost cause.

"I am standing here in my ravine
Once again I see a piece of the sky
And my joy never will be denied
'cause I was meant to be here -The only place on earth
Where you are near, where you are near"--Ace of Base, "Ravine" (from the album The Bridge, 1995)

I know what you're thinking. ACE OF BASE?! Yes, Ace of Base. One of my two favorite bands before I became a Christian, with the other being Garbage. If you want to hear the song--and I think it needs to be heard to be fully appreciated--click on the following:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dXWemmSHKs

It's a live performance from the 1997 World Music Awards in Monaco. Note the person who commented that it's almost enough to make him convert from Buddhism!

Lyrics:

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/ace+of+base/ravine_20003556.html

Thanks for reading!