Theory #DO178B about why I don't like Boston...

...but this time, it comes with the potential of change. Many of you have heard my theories about why I don't like it here--people are snobby, elitist, don't care about each other, yada, yada, yada. While there may be some truth to that, I strongly believe that whenever there's conflict, there's blame on both sides. Most of my feelings toward Boston have been things wrong with Boston but not myself. Of course, as Christ said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5.) I've known this but not really been willing to look at me...

...until a day or two ago, when I was responding to Half Lite Dreamer's comment about my first post on this blog. As I was thinking about "clearly seeing some purposes for me," I started to realize, what am I looking for from God? What kind of purposes do I expect to see? When I've seen "purposes" in the past, they've been about what I sometimes think is my main purpose: to be #1. When I was at Lafayette and was involved in the Christian Fellowship & DiscipleMakers, I got a lot of attention, and frankly, my ego swelled because of it. When I then moved to Illinois, I got involved with a ministry in just its second year of rebuilding, the Navigators, and again received a lot of high praise for involvement--again, feeding my ego. When things with Navs went sour, I still had the church I was going to to fall back upon--I was involved with the teenagers, I was running the laptop being used for song projection, etc. Again, ego fed, I was happy.

Moving to Boston, however, my ego hasn't been fed. The lack of friendships has been well-documented. I've tried getting involved at a couple of different churches, but to get involved, it's always been, "sure you can help--you'll be reporting to this person." But I don't want to report to that person! Trust me as your go to guy! The city sure isn't feeding my ego either--it seems for this city to look positively at someone, it seems they must be attractive, rich (and in either case, willing to flaunt it), or a relative of Ted Kennedy. Even if I were attractive or rich, I have no desire to flaunt that.

So what's the solution? "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you" (Rom 8:9a.) God is revealing this sin to me, and I praise Him for it! I am thankful He's placed me in a place where I would have no choice but to see it, even if it did take 2.5 years, and I shall now begin the process of prayer and looking for specific places that I can serve, even if I'm not the #1 or #2 or #100 guy. And if you who are reading this could pray for me too, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."(Romans 5:8)

"Am I at the point of no improvement?
What of the death I still dwell in?
I try to excel, but I feel no movement.
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin?

"Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.

Never underestimate my Jesus.
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong"--Relient K, "For the Moments I Feel Faint" (from the album The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek, 2001)

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/relientk/forthemomentsifeelfaint.html